Discovering Our Uniqueness

Written By Eugene Morgan

“Every individual is unique…  There are no duplicates.” (Milton Erickson)   My Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines unique as “being the only one of its kind.”  Can we imagine that there was never an “us” at beginning of human existence up into the day of our births and there will never be an “us” after we’re long gone?

What is the significance or ramifications of this truism?  What was Erickson trying to tell us?  I think Erickson wanted us to look inside ourselves to discover our own uniqueness.

Being Ourselves

We can’t discover our uniqueness if we’re trying to be like someone else.  When we try to be like someone, we are presupposing that we dislike something about ourselves or dissatisfied with some aspect our personality.   It takes a considerable amount of energy to be like someone.  It takes smaller amount of energy to be who we are.  Although being who we are takes less energy, it takes courage to grow into our full selves.

Not Comparing Ourselves To Others

What takes a large amount of energy is constantly comparing us to others.  When we are comparing ourselves to others, we’re looking outside ourselves instead of looking inward.  Since we are one of a kind, we don’t need to compare ourselves to others.  It’s not fair to ourselves or to the other individuals we’re comparing.  We will never be like someone else.  Each one of us has a different personality style.  We have enormous resources inside of us where we can use to help better ourselves.

Likewise, everyone has at least one talent or strength to build upon.  Some of us take this for granted.  Either we don’t develop it to its full potential or we misuse our talent.   When we ignore our talents or strengths, we’re denying a part of who we are.  When we are comparing ourselves, we stop being who we are.  Let’s rediscover ourselves.

Discovering Who We Are

Because there is a lot about ourselves we don’t know about.  Our personality is based on a collection of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and traits that we use to function in the world.  Each of us uses certain traits more than others.

For example, a talkative person is more outgoing while a timid person feels like running the other direction if he or she were asked a question in front of an audience.  A person whose character trait is always cold probably has fewer friends while a warm person is more approachable to talk with.

Each of us have an individual style of how we think, feel, behave that is manifested through our character traits.  When we begin to “know thyself” and to accept our strength and our weaknesses, we can be a little more forgiving.  In other words, when we begin to understand who we are, we begin to feel safe and secure inside our own skin.   Erickson believes going through various experiences help us to discover that.   When we begin to see ourselves as we are, we can begin to see clearly our own path.

Following Our Own Path

Following our own path means to lead our own life.  It is easier to follow in someone’s path; we can see clearly and we know what’s ahead of us.  But when we create our own path,  it’s unclear and foggy at first.  We will sometimes take the wrong turn but at least we will learn various experiences and see interesting things along the way. Following our own path brings us to appreciate and respect our own uniqueness as well as others’

Appreciating and Respecting Our Uniqueness

When we accept who we are as unique people, we will be more accepting of others.  We come in different colors, races, shapes and sizes.  We all have unique personalities.  Erickson had tailored his approach to each individual’s uniqueness.

When we dislike an individual’s character trait; it is usually reflection about part of our personalities we dislike?  So if we accept parts of ourselves we dislike, we can be more accepting of others because all of us can give to society no matter how different we are.

Finding Our Contribution to Humanity

Our uniqueness is part of a bigger reality or picture?  Erickson was in his mid 70’s, stricken with post-polio symptoms, confined to a wheelchair and in pain but he was willing to help his wife prep for dinner.  While Erickson was peeling and/or chopping potatoes, he said to a student, “I’m doing my workout.”  And then with a smile, he said, “I will always enjoy discovering what I can do.”

It is interesting to note that Erickson was focusing on the possibility not his liabilities.  His area of attention was on doing something.  Milton Erickson understood his uniqueness and made major contributions to hypnosis and psychotherapy and more.  How are we making contributions through our uniqueness?