“The last thing I do”

Written by Eugene Morgan

A good friend of mine from work passed away on Saturday, January 29, 2011 almost exactly a year after my father died on Saturday, January 9, 2010.  I wanted to dedicate this blog post to my colleague, Ernie, and my father.

A student was spreading rumors about Milton Erickson dying.   Erickson heard about the rumor and in his classic response said, “I think that is entirely premature. I have no intention of dying. In fact, that will be the last thing I do.”

That statement is so powerful because it implies that there are many things Erickson is planning on doing in the future and that death only represents the final act he will do.   It’s like he’s taking charge of his life. Why should we wait for death to come? Instead, we should do things in our lives that are meaningful and stop wasting time.  Death is only one of life’s roughages.

“Part of the Roughage of Life”

Erickson’s above quote is his description of illnesses, deaths and some tragedies as roughages of life.  He believes that these things are only roughages or rough spots.   He accepts the roughages as just a part of life.   The difficulties of life help put things in perspective; thus we have an opportunity to value life more.

Should We Grieve

Throughout our lives we have and will continue to experience losses.  Grief is defined in the dictionary as “1: an emotional distress caused by or as if by bereavement. ”

However, Milton Erickson would go so far to say “There is a lot of hogwash going around about assisting families in grieving.”  I was shocked when I first read this but I don’t believe Erickson is saying not to grieve.  Consistently with Ericksonian principles, every individual is unique; therefore, everyone grieves differently. We each have our own way of grieving a loss.

There are two ways we can approach a loss of a loved one.  Either we can dwell on the loss of that person, or we can recall the good memories that we have stored up about that person.  I prefer to recall the good memories.  I believe there is a place and time to grieve a loss.

But I don’t think Erickson is saying not to grieve a loss, as any emotions like anger, guilt, shame, and sadness are natural emotions we have all experienced.  I believe Erickson is trying to relay a message that we need to put losses into certain perspective and not dwell on them.   Chronically dwelling on a loss puts us in the past, not in the future.

Orient to the Future

Orienting toward the future is a constant theme in Milton Erickson’s work.  Before Milton Erickson’s death at the age of 78, he was looking forward to his lectures at the university.   He was not waiting to die, because life is for the living, and he chose to live.